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Maris Brood

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Maris Brood
Biographical information
Homeworld

Iridonia

Born

unknown

Died

you wish!

Physical description
Species

Zabrak

Gender

Female

Height

1.65 m

Hair color

Black

Eye color

Yellow, crazy

Personal shit
Butt buddies

Rancors

Forms of ass-kickery

Twin lightsaber tonfa, woohoo!

Chronological and political information
Era(s)

Rise of the Empire era

Affiliation
Known masters

Shaak Ti

"She hasn't been corrupted. She's only done it with me. I mean, I couldn't have anything to corrupt her. I think. I mean, I always practice safe sex. Except with her. The frag, what's she been doing with those Felucians?!"
Shaak Ti

Maris Brood was a female Zabrak Padawan who regularly cut herself due to mommy issues. This 'mommy' was not her real mommy, but in fact her Jedi Master. However, she was prompted to call her Master 'mommy' due to some weird motherly love thing that resulted in much training. She was good at one point, although I'm not sure how you can be good while getting abused by your Master and also the indigenous life, which by the way could ride rancors, so she had no chance at all. I mean, come on, it's not like she was powerful enough to pull down a Star Destroyer, right?

BiographyEdit

Early lifeEdit

Maris Brood was born as a baby, believe it or not, and probably on Iridonia, since that's where Zabraks come from. She was trained on a starship waaay out in space, where she also was pimped and kriffed by all the boys and girls. She soon developed a liking for women, due to the fact that they actually got her drunk instead of just instantly jumping into her alarmingly tight pants, which by the way were not standard Jedi issue. However, her Master overlooked this wardrobe malfunction due to the fact that he was also a man. During all of this time, Maris was called the 'Horny Bitch' due to obvious physiological reasons. Darth Vader didn't manage to kill them due to the fact that they were waaay out in space, but due to paranoia and general wussiness, her pussy master decided to run like a bitch with the only escape pod. However, she succeeded in gaining a new master, who was a red-hot Togruta who wasn't entirely straight either.

Later lifeEdit

"Maris, we are among the last of the Jedi. That is why we must reproduce. Kriff biology, I'm sure we can work something out."
―Master Shaak Ti's excuses to her apprentice

Said red-hot Togruta was none other than Shaak Ti, who decided to take her new equally sexy Padawan to Felucia on the grounds that it was quiet, out of the way, and had a romantic atmosphere besides the thousands of large animals trying to eat you alive. They soon settled down in the middle of nowhere, and Maris was taught how to grind heal her Master. This went on for long amounts of time, with Maris Brood's subservience becoming more and more of a chore. She eventually was extremely happy when Shaak Ti was killed by the Secret Apprentice, and went back to grinding healing Felucians, which she had been doing on the side for the majority of her life anyway.

Soon, Maris became curious of male physiology, as she hadn't had a piece of that since she was little. As a result, she decided to kidnap Senator Bail Organa, who women are hot for. She tried to use him for pleasure, but instead was dissatisfied. She then turned to the help of a huge ass bull rancor, which caused her to be sore for months. She called it 'Horny Bitch' since it had lots of horns as well, and when some dumb bastard came to save the senator, she used it to fight for her. However, that dumb bastard was Darth Secret, and he killed the rancor and raped her. However, he spared her life, saying that she would carry the memories of what he had done to her forever.

Powers and abilitiesEdit

"Oh, we're not crazy. NYEEEHAAHEEHAAHEEHAAHEEHAA!!"
―Maris Brood

Despite being crazy, Maris had a talent for the power Force Grind Heal, and she was an extremely good kisser. She could use her tongue like Vader could destroy your planet. Thus, she was a favorite among all of the men and lesbians, as well as some Felucians. I'm not even sure if they have gender. Is it bad if they turn me on? Anyway, Maris Brood could also use her two lightsabers to fill up the enemy, slicing through their innards like nothing else. She had two red lightsabers that she used for a special attack called "Double penetration". Her behavior was very manly, but of course her body had the opposite effect. She also had the power to do everything topless, although she wore barely anything up there when Starkiller attacked her both times. Damn, talk about coincidences.


RicOlieRight
This article is called Maris Brood. Maris Brood has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Maris Brood can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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