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Metellos

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PlanetDetroit

Welcome to Metellos; mind your wallet

RicOlieRight
This article is called Metellos. Metellos has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Metellos can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
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Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Metellos.

Metellos was the overpopulated crap-hole planet that tried to be Coruscant, but failed miserably. Like Coruscant, Metellos was an ecumenopolis, a world-spanning city... but Metellos was 100% ghettos and slums. Unemployment on Metellos was roughly 79%. The local government long ago gave up on any kind of welfare system; the only thing Metellos provided to its citizens was crystal meth.

Every few years, a superhero, usually dressed like a bat, tried to fight crime on Metellos and was typically murdered within a week. Honestly, the Death Star really should've blown the planet up long ago. The only thing worth saving would've been the Metellos Pistons... and they could've been safely relocated to Planet Basketball.

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