This article is called Mon Calamari Star Cruiser. Mon Calamari Star Cruiser has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Mon Calamari Star Cruiser can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Mon Calamari Star Cruiser.
"It's a crap!"
Admiral Ackbar

Mon Calamari Star Cruisers were some of the ugliest starships in the galaxy. They looked like oversized sea slugs with a bad case of acne, and were considered so repulsive that the Galactic Empire never attempted to capture them, even when they were desperate for new ships. Oddly, Han Solo's mere presence on board one of these vessels allowed it to win a straight-up fight against two Super Star Destroyers, each of which were nearly fifteen kilometers longer and had a thousand times more weaponry than his cruiser.

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