- "I'm a drunk. I'm a whore. I fuck you. Gimme more!"
- ―A very, very drunk Leia Organa Solo
Leia Isabella Michaela Natasha Odessa Tianna Ariana Wilhelma Helena Opalina Regina Edwina Solo or Leia I. M. N. O. T. A. W. H. O. R. E. Organa Solo, born Leia Amidala Skywalker Christensen Portman Knightley Prowse Earl-Jones Lucas Fisher, was born in 19 BBY on an airless rock known as Poland, although she lived on Alderaan for most of her childhood. At age sixteen she became a Senator in the Imperial Senate. It was a mistake. Two weeks in, she was having an affair with a seventy-year old senator. Thus began the long and troubled political career of Leia "I'm not a whore" Solo.
The Galactic Civil War Edit
Leia got involved in a war between people with big gas-guzzling ships and people with eco-friendly ships. Being on the eco-friendly side meant that Leia had to give up her CR90 corvette which put her in a pissy mood for the rest of her life.
While traveling to the nearest Chevrolet dealer (because they sell Corvettes, see?) to trade in her fuel-guzzling CR90 in the Cash for Clunkers program, Leia was ambushed by the Big Ships because they wanted her ship as to tick off the eco-terrorists. They captured her and found out that she was also delivering the plans of the Big Ships' energy-wasting, planet-destroying space station to the Small Ships. Angered, Big Ship leader, Darth Vader tortured her with pointy things, lasers, and rape. Which is really bad because it later turned out that Vader was her father. Anyway, Leia was saved by a farmer's boy with a bad haircut, a hermit, two droids, a walking carpet, and a middle aged man with back problems in a fuel-guzzling starship that even Cash for Clunkers wouldn't take. Leia, being a eco-terrorist, complained and refused to get in the ship until the hermit got killed by Vader. Even then, she complained the whole way to the planet Yavin 4, me base of the eco-terrorists.
When arriving on Yavin 4, the rainforest covered moon of Yavin, Han Solo and Chewbacca were turned away because of their ship. The eco-terrorists paid Solo to leave the rainforest that they were protecting from the gas-guzzling superweapon the Big Ships called the Death Star. But Solo remembered that Leia was a princess and wanted some sort of reward for saving her ass, so he returned and helped the eco-terrorists and their Smart-
carsWings blow up the energy wasting Death Star. He didn't get a reward. He only got some medal which he then sold for thirty credits.