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Pulpitine

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Pulpitine
Pulpitine
Biographical information
Born

Virgin

Died

Still a virgin

Physical description
Species

Human

Gender

Male

Eye color

Creepy

Chronological and political information
Affiliation
  • Sith
  • Imperial Religion
Known masters

unknown

Known apprentices

unknown

Pulpitine or Darth Doctrination as he was also known, was the evilly demented half-brother of the galactically bad-ass Palpatine. While Palpy was out kickin' it with his homies and having fun, Pulpitine was busy trying to secure an empire of his own based on insidious brain washing and a guilt-based value system. In short he was to blame for the infamous Galactic Religion.

BiographyEdit

Imperial ReligionEdit

Like the undying stench of decaying wampas, many believe the Imperial Religion's stranglehold on the galaxy begins with time itself. However, this is not the case. In fact, the Imperial Religion began quite recently:

Amidst Palpatine's amazing rise to fame, Pulpitine began using his half-brother's powah to his advantage. Flying through the galaxy on a whirlwind tour, he began rousing the masses with fiery speeches. He told them of the second coming of the Chosen One and the Pantheon of Great Galactic Force Spirits that had sent him to them to bring them their salvation. He also told them salvation was achieved by worshipping the Sith. (If you've ever wondered how the Empire came up with so many cronies in just 20 years, well, this is how.)

Soon his following began to grow. The less attractive and dumb ones were reunited with the Force quickly, as they were PWNed on the spot, and the rest of them were forced to join the Imperial Army (this also explains a major Imperial trend towards ugliness and dumbness, just look at Tarkin).

PopeLightning

Pulpitine helps a young fool to understand.

During this time, Pulpitine also began his campaign against galactic happiness, spearheaded by his efforts against relations. Using Darth Vader as his poster child, he caused numerous populations to die out, while he himself maintained a large harem of Twi'lek slave girls.

Pulpitine reached the peak of his power just as Palpy lost his, and even when the Empire was in shambles, Pulpitine and his unholy hordes thrived.

Post ImperiumEdit

Without the aid of the Empire's funding, Pulpitine needed new ways to relieve the populace of their money. Among the numerous methods discovered, one was in the form of a young political party in the New Republic, the Party of the Ortolans, Chevin and other Pachydermoids.


RicOlieRight
This article is called Pulpitine. Pulpitine has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Pulpitine can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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