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Production information

Nabooboo, Nubia


Industrial Automaton

Product line



R2 astromech droid


Astromech droid

Technical specifications

0.96 meters


Masculine programming

Sensor color



You name it, he's got it

Chronological and political information
"What a nice droid. Old, yet functional, with such a personality…"
Deliah Blue

R2-D2 was the droid that never died, capable of producing any needed device out of his trash-recepticle shaped body. He served nearly everyone in the galaxy, and was essentially responsible for everything in the galaxy, because if he hadn't fixed that Nabooboo royal yacht, everything would have gone according to plan, and all that Clone Wars mess and Galactic Empire stuff might never had happened. Luke and Leia would have never been born to save the galaxy either, because Padmé Amidala, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Obi-Wan Kenobi would not have landed on Tatooine to find that squirt Anakin Skywalker, bet on a race, and freed him from slavery. They would, in fact, have all been dead! Then Palpatine would be wondering what the kriff was he going to do next?

But since all of that did happen, R2 was eventually in the service of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade. He watched them do "it" every night and eventually when they finally managed to do it right, they had a son and were forced to move to a bigger house. Luke said he would move all the stuff himself and that he didn't need any help, but as usual, Luke ended up whining a lot and doing nothing. Luke then had a brilliant idea, he told R2 to move all the stuff to the new house while he sat there, watched R2 move all the stuff and kept telling him he could have done it a lot better himself.

Known GadgetsEdit

R2-D2 had one helluva lot of gadgets inside his squat little torso. So many, in fact, that only a breach in dimensions could account for it. (R2 incorporated TARDIS technology.)

  • Air cannon
  • Assortment of cigarras with lighter
  • Brooks Propulsion rocket booster
  • Buzz saw
  • Cable gun/grappling hook
  • Claw arm
  • Comlink
  • Confetti launcher
  • Crashmat
  • Death Star plans
  • Datacard slot
  • Disc drive
  • Dildo
  • "Distracter"
  • Electric pike
  • Fire extinguisher
  • Flea remover
  • Fusioncutter
  • Headdress detangler
  • Rebel Alliance flag
  • Anakin Skywalker's podracing flag
  • Holoprojector/recorder
  • Skin holo collection
  • (naked) Hologram of Shmi Skywalker (file stolen by Obi-Wan Kenobi)
  • Plaster mould of Anakin Skywalker's penis (stolen by Obi-Wan)
  • Anakin Skywalker's porn collection and personal dildo (stolen by Obi-Wan)
  • Padmé Amidala's porn collection and personal dildo (ALSO stolen by Obi-Wan - what is that guy's problem?)
  • Holographic album of Anakin failing his Jedi potty training (Seen by every Jedi and became the laughing stock at the Jedi Temple. He got very pissed and wanted revenge. This was the real start of Order 66)
  • Jukebox
  • Breakdance mode
  • Karaoke mode (deleted by Han Solo since he can't bear Chewbacca's singing)
  • Hose & pump
  • Inflatable mattress
  • Interference pulse stabilizers
  • Lariat
  • Lightsabers
  • Life-form scanner
  • Manipulator arms
  • Oil injector
  • Party horn
  • Periscope
  • Refresher scale (broken by Jabba the Hutt)
  • Polarity sink
  • Sabacc card deck
  • Serving tray with drink holders
  • Scomp link
  • Shock arm
  • Spare parts for C-3PO
  • Toothpick
  • Tweezers
  • Umbrella
  • Whoopie cushion

See alsoEdit

This article is called R2-D2. R2-D2 has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of R2-D2 can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on R2-D2.

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