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EwokSex

Two Ewoks gettin' it on.

"Good relations with the Wookiees I have! Yyyesss! Mmmmm!"
―Yoda, getting his freak on
"These young whipper-snappers and their relations! When I was young we'd just divide asexually and be done with it!"
Jango's grandpa, Amoeba Fett

Relations were a biological phenomenon well-known in Star Wars canon but merely conjectured to exist by fanboys. It was inspired by certain emotional and physical reactions felt by individuals as a result of interacting with other, compatible individuals. Relations could only occur if a series of prerequisite circumstances were met; these prerequisites varied from individual to individual and were sufficiently unpredictable to give rise to the phrase "getting lucky" as a euphemism for relations.

A side-effect of having relations was the spawning of new sentients. This helped offset massive casualties incurred as a result of certain other social norms that were cool as shit to perform..

Differing views on relationsEdit

Jedi frowned upon relations, blaming them for younglings. Sith were clueless about relations except when they involved asphyxiation. Twi'leks were reputed to be skilled practitioners of relations. Hutts self-combusted.

LiteratureEdit

Because of the prudish nature of the Jedi, there is little existing literature on relations. One of the surviving books is Watto's Hutta Sutra: A Guide to Mandalorian Relations. But the Mandalorians were prudes too. So it was banned everywhere in the Galaxy. Except Kashyyyk, where the Wookiees used it as a Handbook of Death.

Known practitioners of relationsEdit

Pregnant

The typical result of sex.

"Despite your attitude, you're kinda cute. What do you say huh, your place or mine?"
Han Solo trying to score with Leia just after they escaped from the Death Star
  • Kermit came into this galaxy because Yoda had relations with Yaddle
  • Luke Skywalker had relations with Mara Jade (pretty damn cool).
    • At one point he also had relations with some one else, that was pretty damn disgusting.
  • Anakin had relations with his wife Padmé Amidala, I'm sure it was pretty emotional.He also had two other girlfriends Ahoska Tano and was making out with her secretly on missions, And Aayla Secura who shared a kiss with Anakin at the Jedi Temple
  • Obi-Wan had relations with Asajj Ventress and Satine Kryze.
  • Admiral Natasi Daala had relations with many of her superiors when she wasn't an admiral yet, including Tarkin and Vader.
  • Aayla Secura and Grover, they had relations many times and their children were the proof of that. Many Fanboys wish they were Grover.
  • Wicket Wookie-nookied you, and thought it was goooooooood!!!!
  • Yoda apparently had relations with the Wookiees and it was gooooood.
  • Obi-Wan had relations with Siri Tachi. That is, until she got PWN3D...
  • Boba Fett had relations with Sintas Vel when he was sixteen.
  • Darth Krayt enjoyed having relations with his hand.
  • Leonia Tavira had relations with anyone and everyone under her command.
  • I had relations with Yo Mama.
  • Kit Fisto dated Kermit the Frog once, he was going to propose had it not been for the death threats from Miss Piggy
  • Dookie had relations with Leia Organa and boy, was it good. The product of this relationship was that Dookie squirted blood into the mouth of some freak.
  • Qui-Gon was attracted to Anakin but hid it with "Chosen One" nonsense. He eventually made up his mind on how he was going to molest Anakin; by telling him to "stay in the cockpit" Darth Maul however showed up and killed him, and the whole Star Wars saga revolved around Qui Gon's Shadow of Intent.
  • Guri had relations with every male in the galaxy and it was gooooooooooooooooooooooood....
  • Darman had relations with Etain, and ended up with a kid they named Venku.
  • Sandy had relations with Teruzen--their daughter was named after what had brought her about: "Lust".
  • C-3PO was known for many human-cyborg relations throughout time.
  • Your father was known to have flocked to those street corner girls who always want you to take them to those motels.
  • Carth Onasi was so whiny and constantly depressed that the only time he ever had relations was with T3-M4, and cried through the whole event. T3 later betrayed him.

SourcesEdit

RicOlieRight
This article is called Relations. Relations has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Relations can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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