A study in nobility and tragedy

"Thus says my Boss: Say thou to Mister Nute Gunray, though we seemed dead, we did but sleep: advantage is a better soldier than rashness. Tell him we could have rebuked him at Harte Secur, but that we thought not good to bruise an injury till it were full ripe: now we speak upon our cue, and our voice is imperial: Gunray shall repent his folly, see his weakness, and admire our sufferance. Bid him therefore consider of his ransom; which must proportion the losses we have borne, the subjects we have lost, the disgrace we have digested; which in weight to re-answer, his pettiness would bow under."
―Captain Tarpals, parlaying with OOM-9 and his B1 battle droids

Captain Roos Tarpals was an uncommonly dignified Gungan warrior who helped defend Naboo during its invasion by the Trade Federation. Tarpals fought valiantly in defense of Otoh Gunga and his people, rising in the ranks to captain of the guard. Boss Nass recognized his quality and fought alongside him in fierce clashes with Human colonists, Gungan criminal enterprises, and pirates.

Unfortunately, Tarpals' life was ruined when he encountered Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar humiliated Tarpals at the officers dinner by spilling soup all over the Gungan general. Then he crashed Tarpals' heyblibber and escaped justice by accidentally destroying the prison in which he was kept during the trial. Finally, Jar Jar accidentally killed Tarpals' loving wife and three adorable children, when he knocked over a box filled with highly explosive boomas. Heartbroken, Tarpals plodded on, dedicated and noble. He fought in the Battle of Grassy Plains... only to discover that Jar Jar had been promoted to general because of his bizarre hijinks during the battle, eclipsing Tarpals' modest rank of captain. That was the final straw. Tarpals took his life soon afterward. At Tarpals' funeral, Jar Jar gave the eulogy, then stumbled backwards and fell into the casket.

This article is called Roos Tarpals. Roos Tarpals has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Roos Tarpals can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Roos Tarpals.

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