- "Hey! I don't feel enlightened at all! I want my money back!"
- ―Darth Fanon, regarding Scientology
- "Well, I suppose that the empy street represents my wholesome desire to be the biggest geek that's ever shoved my ass in anyone's face..."
- ―Darth Cruise regarding his vision
How it went downEdit
So, let me get this straight: Fanon was leisurely strolling around the streets of Coruscant when he met some Scientologists trying to recruit some people for their cooky religion. He walked over to them and demanded to know what they were doing. They asked him if he wanted them to test him for body thetans for free. Fanon agreed. So the Scientologists held a magnifying glass over his arm, then recoiled in terror. They said they had never seen so many body thetans in their lives.
"OMG! OMG! BODY THETANS! I'VE GOT BODY THETANS OH NO OH NO - What are body thetans?"
- Darth Fanon after finding out he has body thetans
The Scientologists' ScamEdit
Darth Fanon was very concerned. He ran around in circles screaming for five minutes. The Scientologists assured him they could remove them. So they took him to a local 'church' and began treatments. First, they made him stand on his head for 40 hours. They then forced him to hold a tin can on a string (a so-called E-meter) for another 40 hours. Then they told him to beat up psychiatrists and pee on them. Then they told him to conjure up imaginary scissors and use them to cut the thetans off of him. After numerous ridiculous 'treatments' they told him he should come back for more once a week. For now, they said, he should pay his bill. "What bill?" he said. "This bill," they said, handing him a rolled up peice of paper that unfurled into the hallway. Darth Fanon looked at the bill and his eyes blew up. "200,000 CREDITS!!!!!!?????!!!!!" He demanded. "What the hell is this crap?! I'm not going to pay this!!" "But thetans love people who don't pay their bills!" said the Scientologists. "Ain't no such thing as thetans!" said Fanon. "I bid you good day!" Fanon left the Church and went home to Darth Wyyrlok, who was curious to know where he'd been the last five days and why he smelled like Scientology.