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Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

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Thailand Poster when they illegally mixed up Attack of the Clones and played it back-to-back with 2002's Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is the second movie in the Star Wars prequel trilogy, full of Anakin Skywalker whining as usual, bad-acting, Obi-Wan Kenobi hunting bad guys, Dookie, and hot shots of Padmé Amidala. The only other movie that contains even more whining than this is Revenge of the Sith (with the exception being that it didn't suck ... much).

Opening CrawlEdit

Episode II
ATTACK OF THE CLONES
  There is some kind of orgy in the Galactic Senate. In which
  every solar system that has ever existed have declared their
  intentions to leave the Republic. Threatening Palpatine's
  annual "Bring Your Planet to the Republic" party and
  1/16th of the galaxy as we speak
  
  
  This movement, under the leash of the vampire known as Count
  Dooku, has made it easy for the Jedi to loose their peace,
  their planet, the galaxy, order, themselves. And everything
  that they've done. The Jedi in their agile state try anything
  they can to reverse the damage using the force.
  
  
  Amidala, who is now dating that wimp Anakin Skywalker, has
  returned to Coruscant to force the creation on creating an army
  called THE 66TH LEIGON, which will do battle with those wimpy
  Barbie droids, and also help the Jedi fix what they have caused,
  bring some sort of peace, order and quiet back into the galaxy
  once and for all.
  
  
  

SummaryEdit

Padmé arrives on Coruscant, and her ship blows up, which could have been prevented if she hadn't skipped its state inspection. Nor could she collect insurance, because Nabooboo paid its senators minimum wage, thus rendering her unable to afford comprehensive insurance. Palpatine smiles suspiciously. Obi-Wan and Anakin then meet with Padmé, providing an opportunity for Anakin to demonstrate his appalling pickup lines. That night they save Padmé from killer bugs, wrecking her room in the process, inflicting massive property damage, which wasn't reimbursed, because Coruscanti insurance doesn't insure against Jedi. What follows is a Keystone Cops car-chase in the air.

Padmé is sent into hiding, accompanied by Anakin. They go to Nabooboo, where Anakin reveals he is a member of the Coruscant Fascist Party. Back on Coruscant, Palpatine smiles suspiciously.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan travels to Kamino, where he learns that the Kaminoans are breeding an army of racists clad in white. Obi-Wan then travels to Geonosis, where he finds swarms of termites constructing battle droids for the Trade Federation and other Communists. He promptly is capture by the Separatist leader, Count Dookie. He manages to send Anakin a message before capture.

During all this, Anakin is on Tatooine, attempting to exterminate native species, because they killed his mama. After weeping a bit, Anakin takes Padmé and goes to Geonosis, to rescue Obi-Wan. It doesn't work, and they are captured. C-3PO and R2-D2 are with them, but are not captured, as they have wandered off to engage in their rendition of Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times.

Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padmé are sentenced to death by the termites, in order to please Nute Gunray. They are sent to the Coliseum to be executed. Obi-Wan and Anakin play with the animals, while Padmé shows off her belly. Then without warning, Mace Windu arrives with a band of Jedi, and plays at being a cowboy at the same time PWN Jango Fett with his Penis. The bugs send in their battle droids, and the Jedi get pasted. But before they can be finished off, Yoda arrives with cannon fodder, and everything starts looking like a 1960s WWII film.

Realizing that the Jedi and the Grand Army of the Republic will be defeated if the Separatists deploy the rest of their droids, Dookie orders a retreat. Obi-Wan and Anakin chase him, and Anakin gets his arm chopped off. Then Dookie fights Yoda, who proves himself an accomplished break-dancer by bouncing around like a jackrabbit. Afterward, Dookie escapes to Coruscant, where Palpatine smiles suspiciously.

Related Articles Edit

RicOlieRight
This article is called Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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