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Star Wars Rebels is a TV Show aimed at young children, but adults everywhere are being told that this show is "Great" and that it is "better than the Prequels" and in a few cases that this show is "Better than the Original Trilogy!" they are being told these things Via subliminal messages which are being administered by Disney. So now Adults everywhere are praising this show like it's something great. The show was initially created by the Certified Destroyer of Continuity and Franchises's: Dave Filoni but production of Rebels was taken over by Disney because the show was not "kid-friendly enough".
Set Five years before Episode 4, the show follows a group of 2 teenagers, 1 Astromech droid and 3 young adults smuggling things past the Imperials who are portrayed as idiots and generic school yard bullies. These people call themselves "Rebels", but in reality, they are nothing more than extremists/terrorists who kill innocent Imperial citizens and military personal. The
Terrorists ragtag group of rebels inhabit a really backwater planet called Lothal. These Rebels/Terrorists have been content to "operate" (A.K.A: Do nothing but keep their heads up their asses) in the Lothal system for the entirety of the first season! Star Wars Rebels has earned many awards of shame of "honor". The image below showcases several of the Awards that this show has earned.
The Show opens on an extremely backwater planet called Lothal, in fact it’s so backwater that if you asked someone on Coruscant about the Planet, they would just look at you like: "WTF bro, are you on Spice?". The only thing we know about this planet is that the capital city is called: "Capital City". So Ezra is in the city stealing from the Empire when his Spidey Sense starts to tingle (I refuse to acknowledge he can use the Force). Meanwhile, Kanan and his group of friends are also stealing from the Empire in the city and Ezra ends up stealing the shit Kanan and his friends had just stolen from the Empire (Does any of this makes sense to you? Of course not, thanks to Disney). Anyways, a chase ensues and they end up on Speeder bikes and they run around like idiots, then they exit the city, that's when a TIE Fighter starts chasing them, but due to the rule of common sense, they get saved by Kanan's friends who are flying their ship called The Ghost. After that, Kanan finds out that Ezra Bridger has Spidey Sense and takes him as his apprentice. So now Ezra is part of a band of
Smugglers/Pirates/Terrorists "Rebels" who prey on the Empire. And that is what the show is about: Kanan teaching Ezra about his Spidey Sense, as well as stealing shit from the Empire. Later on in the show they take to becoming Terrorists who destroy Imperial ships and kill hundreds of innocent Imperial citizens.
Main Characters (Mary Sues)Edit
Ezra Bridger is one of the main protagonists in Rebels, who also happens to be the reincarnation of Aladdin from the Disney movie: "Aladdin". In Rebels, this kid lives on the street because his parents were stupid and tried to rebel against the Empire, so they were taken away and most likely dealt with. Ezra is angry at the Empire because of it. For some reason, Ezra can use the Force. His ability to use the Force is minimal, and if he had lived in the days of the Republic he would have most likely not been accepted into the Jedi Order.
For some reason, Zeb is some sort of Mutant Wookiee thing, who closely resembles the Missing Link from Monsters VS Aliens. On a side note, Zeb is currently the only likable character in this show because he has a decent sense of humor. Thats about it. Had you there for a minute didn't I?
This ancient Astromech Droid may look harmless and trustworthy, but C1-10P (Chopper) happens to be a douche to everyone, and quite frankly is of little to no use.
Little Known Fact: His previous job was a porn star for "Reality Kings", "WatchMyTwilek", "Droid Sex Party", and "Live Nude Hutts, Unite!", recording his female colleagues for...uh..."entertainment".
Kanan Jarrus is an ex-Jedi who was only trained up to Padawan level, mainly because of Order 66. Kanan was trained by a hologram of Depa Billaba, because at the time she was in a coma (See Shatterpoint). Kanan was not a very good student and he would most likely have never graduated to the rank of Jedi Knight. Also his real name is Caleb Dume... Which is code for Dumb.
Sabine Wren is a 15 year old girl who wears Mandalorian Armor that she stole from the dead body of a real Mandalorian warrior, she is also addicted to huffing spray paint. She thinks she is a badass of some sort, but really all she does is kill her brain cells by getting high on paint fumes, and spray paint other peoples property, making those people have to pay large amounts of money to have her vandalism removed. She also likes to bomb Imperial property for some reason. Also apparently able to move and jump around like Spider-Man even though she has no Force skills whatsoever.
Main Characters (Bad Guys)Edit
This bumbling excuse for an policeman is like an agent for the Imperial Security Bureau (Basically, the ISB is like the Star Wars version of the FBI/CIA). The only job Kallus had to do was to catch the idiots running around on Lothal, which he never had in the first place.
Hailing from Utapau, The Inquisitor is an Dark Side Force user who is tasked with hunting down Jedi and killing them. Unfortunately, he did not follow his master's training, so he is not really a threat to anyone. In fact, he has yet to even put a scratch on Kanan or Ezra, and it is for his failures that he was relieved of service to the Empire. He also has an utterly ridiculous Lightsaber that could not possibly function in any reality other than Imagination Land. His Lightsaber is supposed to compensate for his lack of fighting skills, which eventually leads to him decapitating himself.
These guys were once great and effective Soldiers during the days of the Republic, back then they were called Clone Troopers. But when the Republic became an Empire, their Soldiers almost immediately became incompetent idiots, for no logical reason other than Filoni's raging obsession with the principle of villanous marksmanship, even though it's something that happens across all media (yet you don't see anyone from those franchises obsessing over it) and the original trilogy was hardly the worst offender.
Yes, Ben Kenobi makes a cameo appearence in Rebels as a hologram. In fact, it's the same hologram he recorded in Episode 3 that tells the surviving Jedi to stay away from the Jedi Temple. He is regarded as the best animated character in this entire show.
Lando Calrissian is a real cool dude, but in the show, he owns a farm, along with some sort of Space Pig thing that will go all Puffer Fish when it hears loud noises. Fortunately for Lando, he had a good relationship with Hera and Sabine.
These two comic relief characters are two droids. They are used as special guests in a "feeble" attempt to get many of the Original Trilogy Fanboys to watch this pathetic show.
She a Jedi Master during the Clone Wars. In Rebels, she is used as bait to capture those two idiot “Jedi”, Kanan and Ezra. It works, but they don’t stay captured for very long, mainly because the Imperials on Lothal are fucking idiots.
As the highest-ranking officer of the Empire, Tarkin is known as "The greatest Canon military genius in Star Wars". Unfortunately, his genius is toned down to service the pathetic plot in Rebels.
A 30 year old female Togruta who was the Padawan of Anakin Skywalker during the Clone Wars. At the time, she was only 15. She is Dave Filoni’s
ultimate sexual fantasy well-known "creation", and many Fanboys love to Circle Jerk to this once Underage Character... but unfortunately, she started the Rebellion.
Yep, the fedora-tipping lowlifes of writers had shoehorned him into this. Somehow he is connected to the rebellion, but we never actually learn what his connection to the rebellion is. Kinda stupid and poor lazy writing if you ask me.
Sabine Is a Mandalorian!Edit
Sabine Wren is being called a Mandalorian not because she is actually a Mandalorian but because she wears Mandalorian Armor and she’s sort of good in a fight and she likes to blow things up. Sabine is actually just a rebellious Teenager who Graffiti’s peoples shit, clearly she has no respect for other people’s property.
So this pretend Sith guy has this Lightsaber , but its not like a normal Lightsaber . This Lightsaber has spinning blades and a section that can be removed and used as Frisbee (for recreational purposes im guessing). If Lightsabers could be Retarded then this is what they would look like!
So get this there is like a Jedi Temple thing on Lothal where Jedi Masters would bring there Padawans to face the Jedi Trials. Can you spell “Convenient”? And guess what Kanan takes that child there and the child gets a Lightsaber Crystal there. That is some Fucking Ridiculously unbelievably Convenient Bull Shit.
Continuity? Dave Filoni says "Fuck You!"Edit
You know Disney says there are no breaches of Continuity in their Universe...so why does Ahsoka not look like the same person hmmmm? Dave Filoni didnt give a damn about the Continuity of other peoples creations and its obvious that he sure as hell doesnt care about the Continuity for his own creations...
Apparently no one can catch these people!
Not the local Imperials, Not the local Govenor, not the Special ISB Agent, Not the Imperial Jedi Hunter Inquisitor person, Not the top military Officer responsible for the entire outer rim territories with almost unlimited resources at his disposal, Not Lord Vader the second most powerful Sith in the entire Universe EVER and certainly not these two new Inqusitiors. And its not like these Rebels go very far from Lothal either because they don't.
Established Characters Galor!EditThe first Season of Rebels has 13 Episodes and in roughly 7 of those episodes are appearances by characters from the Original Trilogy and The Clone Wars, Also in Season 2 so far there are 10 episodes and in 8 of them are established characters. There is nothing wrong with having special guests but they are over doing. Its almost as if they don’t think this show can survive on its own so they are mooching viewers with all these special guests. And now it is confirmed that there will be more characters from The Clone Wars and the Original Trilogy in the Second Season.
Original Trilogy ReferencesEdit
One of the many things you will hear/read in almost every review of this show is "Its just like the Original trilogy" or "it feels just like the Original Trilogy" or "It reminds me of the Original Trilogy" and thats because the show is chalked full of subtle referecnes to the OT, why you ask? because thats how they get people to think the show is good. By constantly reminding people of the OT they give people nostalgia which takes them back to their childhood when they first saw Star Wars and how they were utterelly blown away by it, and since the OT was amazing and Rebels keeps reminding people of the OT that makes Rebels amazing...
- "Search your feelings you know it to be true"
- ―Darth Vader
Season 2 starts with our "Rebel Friends" in the middle of a dog fight in Space apparently they are trying to steal Shield generators from the Empire . They are being helped by the "Larger Rebellion" now which was formed before Season 1 and the main protagonists of this show some how got involved with them but we never see how just like we never saw how the mission they are doing in the opening scene begins, but that is beside the point. Anyways they are on this mission and two larger Imperial ships emerge from Hyperspace but they escape. Later the Rebels learn that the Minister lady of the Planet Lothal wants to defect so they go to Lothal to help her but the plan goes to shit and the Minister lady dies as a result of a trap, The Rebels transport off the planet is destroyed so they seek the help of Lando in order to get off planet. They are able to steal an Imperial Transport but not before they have an encounter with Darth Vader who does not end the Rebels existence right then and there because as we all know Vader is such a loving and compassionate person. So they go to Landos place on Lothal to get help and there they discover some meaningless little slum town was burned down, because as we all know the Empire is so Evil that they just burn down tiny slum towns...(Eye Roll. What a seriously shitty way to make the Empire look Evil...) Anyways they escape off planet but Vader tracks them and follows them back to the small Rebel fleet made up of Blockade Runners , when he arrives at their location he decimates their fleet in his Tie Advanced . During this conflict three Star Destroyers come out of Hyperspace and observe the situation and instead of getting involved and destroying the Rebel fleet right then and there they just let small Rebel Fleet escape as well as The Ghost and its crew along with Ahsoka Tano who flee to Tatooine (most likely). Oh and the Emperor orders Vader to dispatch a new Inquisitor to go after the Rebels as if this new one will fair any better than the last one...
We have been promised that the rest of Season 2 will follow a "Darker Tone", Yeah they threw in some Sith stuff and so that automatically makes it darker Tha Fuck Outta Here with that BS, we will also be given a new Inquisitor and Darth Vader will be returning along with Ahsoka Tano and we will also be treated to Darth Maul, Yoda, Mandaloriansand Twi'Leks from the Clone Wars (literally)...
(WARNING FANDALORIAN RAGE)
(Yes because that is just what we need more raping of the Mandalorian culture at the hands of the Certified Destroyer of Continuity and Franchises...As if it wasn't bad enough that they are now pansy smelling pacifist fa**ots we now learn that they bow to the wishes of the Empire)
And we will also get to see an early version of Kylo Rens Lightsaber and supposedly a "Sith Temple" which will contain a "Sith Holocron". In addition to that we will see elements of the Pre-Disney Expanded Universe poping up in the show, we have already seen them use the Hammerhead-Class Cruiser from KOTOR as well as the Interdictor Cruiser we will eventually get to see a Quasar Fire-class bulk cruiser. Guess they aren't using that creative freedom they claim they needed...
Main Characters (Good Guys):Edit
AP-5 is a protocol droid that fought in the clone wars as a navigator but his master disappeared and now he works for the empire (Sounds firmilliar eh?). He's just an attempt to copy C-3PO and grab hold of Original Trilogy fanboys. Oh and I should also mention that apparently this Droid and Chopper both served on the same planet at the same time for the same battle during the Clone Wars, and then they meet up years later...WTF I guess they ran out of ideas for episodes.
Main Characters (Bad Guys):Edit
This character is a new Inquisitor, she is a female mirialan which is the same alien species as Barriss Offee an her master Luminara Undul. So naturally Fanboys are jumping to the conclusion that this Inquisitor is Barriss Offee Who had turned to the Dark Side at the end of the final season of the Clone Wars, it is a very clever piece of marketing making her the same alien race so people would think it was her so they can boost viewership. This character is also a discount version of Darth Vader just look at he armor she wears very reminiscent of the Dark Lord himself. Oh and this person is also a Pedo, there was a scene in one of the trailers where we see her hitting on the 14 year old Ezra Bridger she is probably in her twenties. Way to promote family values Disney...
This character is a Roid Rage Alien that is allegedly an Imperial Inqusisitor. His character is based off of rejected Episode 7 concept art (Seems like that's all this show is, just a bunch of Rejected and unused concept art). Never seems to do anything besides jobbing around.
Was a clone Captain in the 501st Legion he was introduced in the Clone Wars TV Show. His one and only purpose in Rebels is to try and increase the seriously falling viewership of Rebels. He's also Filoni's mouthpiece for Stormtrooper Effect jokes, which he loves to cram into the show at every little chance.
Was a Clone Commander of the Wolf Pack Squad which is Dave Filonis personal Clone Squad. This character was also introduced in the Clone Wars TV Show and he also serves only one purpose, which is to try and increase the seriously falling viewership of Rebels.
Was a Clone Commando he was created by Dave Filoni to replace the truly bad ass Commandos in Delta Squad. This character was also introduced in the Clone Wars TV Show and he also serves only one purpose, which is to try and increase the seriously falling viewership of Rebels.
Was suposed to be some kind of savage Space Pirate, but he usually ended up helping the good guys. This character was also created by Dave Filoni and was also introduced in the Clone Wars TV Show. He also serves only one purpose, which is to try and increase the seriously falling viewership of Rebels.
Yeah that's right, she is 15 but she looks and sounds like a fucking 20 year old.
So Sabine shoots at Darth Vader in order to give Kanan and Ezra time to escape Vader but Vader deflects her two Blaster shots back into her Face and Chest, unfortunantly she survives. It is interesting to note that Sabine uses these same Blasters to shoot at Stormtroopers and they seemingly die but she gets shot by the same Blaster and she is fine, and its not because of Mandalorian Iron /Beskar because IT DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE FUCKWADS!!!!!
This Fat Boy can still fit into his Armor!Edit
How does Dave Filoni explain away this continuity breach hmmmm? There was no such thing as fat clone troopers , so how is he able to fit into his armor now? BTW it's still the same armor that he wore when he was a Clone and it has no modifcations to make it fit him either...
Power Generators are a Rare Commodity in a Sci-Fi Universe!Edit
Thats Right because in a Sci-Fi Universe where literally everything needs power to function it makes total sense that Power Generators would be rare...It's confirmed by Lucasfilm and it's even said in the show, utter Osik ...
Yeah so there is this B-Wing that blows up an entire Imperial Cruiser, and then we never see this ship again and we certainly do not see this ships power in the Original Trilogy.
Sabine Wren was a Bounty Hunter!Edit
Because somewhere in between her being an Imperial Cadet and being a Rebel insurgent she was a Bounty Hunter, Dave Filoni does realize that Sabine is only 16 right? What did she spend a year at the Imp Academy then another year being a Bounty Hunter and then finally a Rebel...She is way to young to have done all this shit...
So get this those two new so called Inquisitors can sense Force sensative babies in another star system but when they are in the same building with two Jedi they suddenly can't sense them. Oh and this goes both ways for the dark side and the light side. Oh and then there is the parts where the enemy could have easily used the force to prevent someone from escaping but they apparently forget they have the ability to do certain things even though we literally just saw them using the ability in the last episode, and this isn't just in one or two episodes every now and again IT'S IN EVERY FUCKING EPISODE...
The Established Character Syndrome Continues!Edit
If you were expecting this show to not insert established characters so much in the second season then you must be dissapointed because they didn't stop if anything they increased. There are now more etsablished characters that have been in this show than there are Episodes in the first fucking season, that sure shows how much faith this shows creators have in it's ability to stand on it's two feet...
Hyper Space Whales!Edit
Yes you read that right this show now has Mutha Fuckin HyperSpace Whales. Oh and apparently this is how people discovered Hyper Space now, I'll just let that sink in...
You No Longer Need Space Suites To Survive In Outerspace!Edit
In the old Universe you needed space suites to survive out there but not anymore. You know why the old way was good? It's because it made Star Wars believable, real, authentic now it's just some utterly stupid and unbelievable load of garbage.
Tie Fighter's Need Better Visibility?!?!?!Edit
Yeah I'll just let these pictures do the talking...
Just a free little tidbit of Info for ya here, there are aproximately 80,120,000 people who get Disney XD in the USA which is the primary network that broadcasts Rebels. There are aproximately 96,400,000 people who get Cartoon Network in the USA which was the primary network that broadcast The Clone Wars.
Also Season 1 of The Clone Wars got on average 2 million viewers per episode so just keep that in mind when you see the places with N/A in the TCW Viewers section...
You can go read this article which I wrote in order to learn more about Rebels rapid decline in popularity.
|Episode Name||# In Series||Viewers||TCW Viewers|
Spark of Rebellion (Movie)
|This is where all this shit starts. All i can remember is that it had something to do with Aladdin!|
|An Episode where they pander to Original Trilogy Fanboys by using C-3PO and R2-D2.|
|In this episode Aladdin and the Overgrown kowakian monkey lizard looking guy chase around some fruit and wind up stealing an Imperial Tie Fighter... IKR who the fuck write this shit? This is totes a Filler Episode.|
|An Episode where they pander to TCW Fanboys by using the dead Jedi Master Luminara Unduli as bait for some kind of trap.|
|I think this one was about Aladdin sneaking into an Imperial Academy. Basically a Filler Episode.|
|Just another stupid filler Episode...You can tell this such a great show based on all the filler episodes...|
|Something about the day the Empire was created and the Rebel insurgents do a terroristical style bombing of a military parrade where they end up killing hundreds of innocent civilians.(Not really I just made that part up)|
|In this episode they pander to Original Trilogy fanboys by throwing in Tarkin , because aparently no one else can capture these idiot Rebels. Including Tarkin and Vader!|
on a vision quest or some kind of Bull Shit like that and gets a Lightsaber Crystal. They also shoehorn Frank Oz (The voice of Yoda ) into this Episode, oh yeah they made such a big deal about it to, pitty for them they only got 570,000 people to watch the episode lol!
|In this episode they pander to Origianl Trilogy Fanboys by shoehorning Lando Calrissian into an episode. They basically just forced him into this for an episode and also to beg for people to watch this shit.|
|I think this one was about Aladdin having some sort of vision of some senator guy and the Rebels go out to meet this guy but hes really just an Imperial Plant.|
|In this episode the idiots decide to broadcast a message to other planets calling for them to rebel against the Empire. Kanan also gets captured.|
|Just a BS filler Episode...|
Fire Across the Galaxy (Season Finale
|Kanans friends finally rescue him with the help of Ahsoka Tano.|
Additonally the Season finale of The Clone Wars got a total of 3,290,000 Viewers
Season 1 of The Clone Wars also went on for another 8 Episodes
|Episode Name||#In Series||Viewers||TCW Viewers|
Siege of Lothal (Movie)Edit
|Some stupid movie where they try to make Vader look bad ass but they fail at it miserably...|
Something About EX-Clone Troopers, IDK and i really dont care basically its just TCW Fanboy Pandering and begging for people to watch this shit...
|A continuation of the last episode where the Fat ass clones are attacked by no less than three AT-AT Walkers and yet they survive...|
|The Rebels go to an old Clone space station in order to get medical supplies but oh no its a trap and we are introduced to the two new inquisitors.|
|Ezra runs away from responsibility like a little Bitch and runs into Hondo Ohnaka (View Bait).|
|Hera flies a B-Wing to test it out then destroys an entire Imperial Cruiser with it IKR...|
Something about that fake 16 year old Mando bitch being a Bounty Hunter when she was ten...
|An episode where they steal crap from the EU, cram fanboy pandering Stormtrooper Effect jokes at every single opportunity and in general make the Empire look like a bunch of fucking morons on a whole nother level.|
|People steal babies...|
|I don't even care anymore|
|An episodes where they use Princess Leia in order to get people to watch the episode, she looks and sounds like a 20 year old. They also rip-off the Hammerhead-Class Cruiser from the Old Republic , trying to pander to TOR fans. Finally, Kanan utterly ruins the threat of AT-AT's by slicing through the legs of one with ridiculous speed, even though the movies show that you need time and effort to cut through dense materials.|
|Something about Mandalorians and that lil bitch Sabine, They tried to bring back the old Mandalorian ways it failed miserably...|
|I didn't watch this episode and I will not watch this episode, and neither should you|
|Something about Hyperspace Whales and Space Fuel and some other
utter bull shit like not needing space suits in outerspace...
|Bringing back an old clone wars character or two and a ship from legends yet again.|
|A really boring episode where the most intriguing thing is finding out that Geonosis was Stabilized by the Empire. One of the worst episodes ever|
|Yoda is in it and the first Inquisitor (Otherwise called the Grand Inquisitor) was apparently a Jedi Temple Guard. Pretty much just hype for something new.|
|Even though we were told that we would get the next few episodes for the journey to malachor, they lie to us with a Protocol Droid that has C-3PO written all over it, the droid is blatent fan service not to mention the odds of Chopper and this droid having served on the same planet at the same battle during TCW is astronomical...|
|A bunch of spiders invade the rebel base and Rex gets taken by them. That's pretty much it. No seriously that is the entire Episode...|
|Actually a good episode. Then again, three of the main characters were from the movies and TCW. Luckily, all the inquisitors died.