The Star Wars soundtrack was composed by John "Gilligan's Island Theme" Williams. Unbeknownst to most fans, Williams wrote lyrics to go along with many of the themes, but never published them. Dedicated and unscrupulous Darthipedia researchers have gone through Williams' garbage to bring you some excerpts of these lyrics.

Star Wars Episode IV: A New HopeEdit

  1. Main Title: The One With the Buns / Hey, That's a Pretty Weird-Looking Spaces—Oh SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK, HOW BIG IS THAT STAR DESTROYER
  2. The Rebels Are Goddamn Screwed; Also, Dead
  3. The Kinda Boring Track That We All Say is Brilliant Anyway 'Cause it's Johnny Will
  4. The Moisture Farm. Tee-Hee. I Said "Moisture"
  5. That Bit Where He's Checking Out the Suns an It Goes All Brilliant
  6. They're Really Elephants With Carpets On
  7. Alec Guinness Chats on About Nonsense and Stuff
  8. Crispy Fried Lars
  9. The One That's Gonna Get a Shite-Load of Unnecessary CGI Added to It in Twenty Years Time. Get That Ronto Out of the WAY!
  10. Ba-ba ba-ba ba-da-ba, baddle-de-baddle-de-ba-ba, wop-wop-wop. AKA: The Cantina Band
  11. Leia's Theme, to Be Appreciated Only By the Emotionally Articulate. Everyone Else'll Think it's Just Slow
  12. The Bit Where Han SAYS He's Gonna Maneuver But Actually Just Flies in a Straight Line for a While
  13. Destroy your planet Theme
  14. The Sphere O Fear; n.b. George, consider changing the name, J.W.
  15. A Whole Lotta Shootin Goin On
  16. Still More Shootin and Waaaay Too Much Smoke
  17. The Bit in the Trash Compa—HOLY SHIT, WHAT'S THAT DICK WITH AN EYE ON IT'S RAPING MARK HAMI—Oh, it's Just a Dianoga
  18. Yep, More Shootin...
  19. The Bit That Really Isn't as Dramatic as it Should Be Considering Alec Guinness Has Just Joined the Choir Invisible. Also, Shootin
  20. This One's Nine Minutes Long. And it Fucking ROCKS
  21. The End Bit. Bleh, I'm Bored of This List Now. Ciao

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes BackEdit

  1. Main Title / Welcome To Hoth, Where Everything Is Cold, Wampas Are Deadly, And It's Boring As Fuck
  2. I'm Trapped In a Cave, That Or Some Lowlife's Basement; Also, Ghosts / Look, Angels Are Taking Me To Heav- No Wait, Snowspeeders Instead
  3. Hide Yo Wife, And Hide Yo Kids, Vader's Coming For You
  4. The Battle of Normandy Baghdad Hoth
  5. That One Piece of Music That Fucking Rocks Your World That Involves Asteroids
  6. Luke Crashes Into Some Swampy Shit And Does Nothing About It
  7. Heigh-Ho! Yoda The Frog Here!
  8. Han Almost Scores With Leia But Gets Cockblocked By C-3PO
  9. How To Train Jedi For Dummies / Luke Goes On An Acid Trip That Happens To Foreshadow The Plot Twist

Selected themesEdit

Princess Leia's ThemeEdit

Iiiii'mm Princess Leiaaaaaaaaa
Aaaand this-ismytheeeeeeme
I wear aaalll whiiiiiite
Sooo white that-I-gleeeeeeeam
In CUTE LIT-tle buuuuunnns
I shoot with my guuuun
Wasting stormies is fuuuuuuuuun
Myyyy planet's-destroyed-and-I'm-really-annoyed-with-that Mooooooff
This Ruling-through-Fear-is-now-pissing-me-seriously oooooooff

The Imperial March (Darth Vader's Theme)Edit

Hiiiide the chillll-drennn, it's Darth Vader's Theeeeme
Guaaard your laaaa-rynx, it's Darth Vader's Theeeeme
DARTH Vader's THEEEEME iiiis re-pet-i-tive
Don't giiiiive hiiim a sed-a-tive
It wooon't silence Darth Vader's Theeeeeme

The Emperor's ThemeEdit

Heeeee's an eeee-VIIIILLL guu-uuuuy
Heeeee's not yooooouuuurrrr
Waaaatch OOOOUUUT ooooorrr yoooou'll diiiiiie

Throne RoomEdit

Well, weeee've beeeea-ten the baaaaad guuuys
And noooow, we're gonna-get-an-AWAAAARRRRD
But Cheeeeewie isn't-going-to-GEEEEEET ooone
He's just a Maaaaawwwg
Whooo happened to be aboaaaaaard

This article is called Star Wars soundtrack. Star Wars soundtrack has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Star Wars soundtrack can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.