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TIE fighter

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Tie1
TIE Fighter
Production information
Manufacturer

Lego Industrial

Product line

They use Circles

Model

First Edition

Class
  • Fighter
  • Distractor
  • Hunk of Shit
Cost

26 Credits

Technical specifications
Length

7 feet

Width

13 feet

Height/depth

15 feet

Mass

500 Kilos

Maximum acceleration

500 Bantha Power

Maximum speed (atmosphere)

Mach 1.4

Shielding

What shield?

Hull

2 meters Titanium

Complement

Laserzzz

Docking bays

Fuck no!

Escape craft

Fuck no!

Crew

1 man

Minimum crew

1 man

Passengers

1 man

Cargo capacity

1 man

Usage
Kills
Present for battles/events
"Stupid fighter that only lasts 0.3, no, 0.4 seconds in battle!"
Darth Vader
"Yeah in my last battle, I didn't die."
―TIE pilot, gloating to new recruits about his extraordinary achievement

The TIE fighter was an Imperial fighter that, on average, lasted 0.3 seconds in battle. Or perhaps 0.4. It tended to be made out of plasticine and the pilots tended to be either Ken dolls or idiots. It was PWNed by X-wings.

Construction Edit

During the End of the Galactic Republic Emperor Palpatine realized that he was going to need a durable Starfighter to replace the better and more effective ships for fitting the new appearance of the Galactic Empire.

"How about cheap and non-aerodynamic."
Palpatine

The New Starfighter hoping to fit Palpatine's ambitions soon went under design by thousands of companies hoping to land the contract. Palpatine chose a 3-year-old who attempted to draw an ice cream cone. With the new design in plan Palpatine began production of his new starfighter.

Introduction of TIE Edit

Star Wars-space-battle L-01
The Death star saved many TIE pilots lives
Wedgepwns!!Added by Wedgepwns!!

With Palpatine's new fighter in the Galactic Empire, the fighter began to see its earliest battles with the Rebel Alliance. The Rebel alliance and there X-wings immediately began to PWN the new Imp fighters. Like come on the Battles weren't even realistic where a flight of X-wings(3 fighters) went up against a big bucket of TIEs (500 fighters) and the battle outcome was the Rebels were victorious with 652 kills. I mean come on does that even make sense? 500 fighters and you got 652 kills where's the realism in that? The TIEs were like laser magnets and as soon as a pilot took off a laser struck the Ion engine.

"I'm going to show these Rebels hell, this is what they trained me for and takeoff!! (TIE gets Destroyed) Frank didn't you die two weeks ago?"
―TIE pilot, entering heaven

The battles were catastrophic and the only reason the Empire was winning is because the Rebel Starfighters could not handle the motherfucking huge Death Star that followed the TIES. The rebels morale was skyrocketing for the Imps new fighters and every night was PARTY PARTY PARTY!!.

Rebel Pilot: "Man, I shot out about a million of those new Imp fighters."
RandomRebelGirl: "That's so amazing, do you want to have sex, I have no STDs."
Rebel Pilot: "Sure! Man, my morale is so high!"
— Rebel Pilots enjoying their time, even falling for the no-STD trick[[RandomRebelGirl|[src]]]

TIE pilots Edit

TiePilot1
Haha Rebel Scum!
Wedgepwns!!Added by Wedgepwns!!

TIE Pilots were trained to the most rigorous standards and were pushed to the EXTREME Limit. They went through the galaxy's ups and downs. TIE pilots were usually stormtrooper dropouts and were EXTREMELY confident that they were safer in the TIE fighter then on the ground fighting rebels. Boy, did they figure out how wrong they were. The Pilots were trained on in Star Destroyers all over the galaxy and the training was EXTREME.

Daily regimentEdit

  1. Waking up to an EXTREME alarm clock at 5:30.
  2. Eating an EXTREME but nutritious breakfast.
  3. 9:00 was the EXTREME flight simulator time.
  4. 12:00 EXTREME Lunch.
  5. 1:00 Study time to make those EXTREME brains
  6. 4:00 EXTREME but more flight simulator time.
  7. 7:00 EXTREME Dinner.
  8. 9:00 Lights out for the EXTREME Dreams.

After all this training They were promoted to the rank of seamen and were given their own cannon fodder-- I mean TIE. They were stationed on some random Planet, Star Destroyer, Super Star Destroyer, or Death Star. After this the average life of a TIE pilot was 5 days given if there is no Rebel Activity. Swarms of these pilots died for the Empire, but yet again Palpatine didn't give a shit.

"*Empire loses hundreds of TIES against Rebels* wonder what's good on TV?"
―Palpatine reading the paper

TIE Pilots were the Empires frontline space force to defend there expensive installations and expensive star destroyers. These Pilots knew the risk and were trained to the EXTREME and it was paid with their lives. As a TIE pilot would put THAS COOL.

Variations Edit

RicOlieRight
This article is called TIE fighter. TIE fighter has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of TIE fighter can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
WookieepediaLogoBouncing
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on TIE fighter.
Fel baron soontir
Choose the Better way and fly a superior TIE Interceptor to stay alive.
Wedgepwns!!Added by Wedgepwns!!
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