Wilhuff Tarkin

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Whilluf Tarkin
Biographical information



A long long long long time ago


Ask Luke

Physical description





1.8 meters

Hair color


Eye color

Never eyeball your superior officers.



Chronological and political information

Galactic Empire

"This bickering is pointless!"
"No, it isn't!"
"Yes, it is!
―Grand Moff Tarkin, bickering with other Moffs

One of the highest ranking members of the Galactic Empire, Grand Moff Tarkin AKA Slick Willy AKA Mother's little girl, the latter nickname given to him due to his childhood love of female clothing, was strongly against the enrollment of aliens and non-British in the Imperial Academy. Thanks to his effort and the availability of British actors, the Empire was able to make sure its entire army had the same accent (except for Conan Antonio Motti, who blackmailed his way around the rule). He was the Proud holder of Vader's leash (think BDSM) and had relations with Admiral Natasi Daala at some point during his career. Some believe that she was in it just for the large balls. Daala eventually left him for another man (or just other men, we don't know) because he had several eating disorders and stole her lingerie.

Mother's lil gurl

The fellow doesn't seem to change with time.

His LifeEdit

Born way too long ago for anyone to remember, Tarkin's Mother, (a grade AAAAAAAA lunatic and two time Insane Asylum Inmate to Darth Psycho ) convinced that he was a female forced him to use the clothes of one, and by the time a gene test revealed that he did indeed have a Y chromosome, it was almost too late. Luckily after twenty five years of therapy Tarkin finally snapped the habit, his big break came when the Supreme Chancellor Palpatine began accepting Bribes Campaign Donations. Tarkin, fresh off of a law suit against his mother and 500 Bazillion worth of compensation richer, donated it all to the fund and Palpatine fresh out of cool names (he reserved all those for his apprentices) picked the most offensive word from the Buttese dictionary and gave Tarkin the title.

Tarkin died when the Death Star was blown up by the Rebels, he did destroy one planet before this happened... the planet he destroyed was Alderaan, the home of many weird people.


I'm in ur bedr00m trying on ur stockings!

Behind The scenesEdit

Moff comes from a Huttese term "muff" meaning a pussy, thus, Grand Moff=Great pussy (right you are, pun intended). This explains why Stormtroopers were often heard snickering behind his back. When Tarkin learned about the actual meaning of the title, he went all emo about it, resuming his old habits as shown on the picture.


These bastards make me cry!

Star Wars RebelsEdit

Comic 2

Tarkin replies.


The governor of Lothal confronts Tarkin about his failures.

Around the year 5 BBY Tarkin was dispatched 

to a tiny and insignificant planet called Lothal to deal with some Rebel Insurgents that had been plaguing the systeme. When Tarkin arrived he was extremley displeased with the Imperial Security Bureau Agent and the Inquisitor who had failed to capture or even harm a very small group of idiots. Tarkin attempted several operations to capture or kill the insurgents but most of them failed because the Rebels had shear dumb luck. So Tarkin then ordered a Base Delta Zero of the planet, unfortunantly the Rebel insurgents were not on the planet. So Tarkin told the Inquisitor to call Darth Vader and ask him to come and help kill these foos...

This article is called Wilhuff Tarkin. Wilhuff Tarkin has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Wilhuff Tarkin can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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