The Planetary Assault of the Light Brigade

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"'Good morning; good morning!' the Commander said
When we met him last week on our way to the line.
Now the pilots he smiled at are most of 'em dead,
and we're cursing his staff for incompetent swine.
'He's a cheery old card,' grunted Peshk to Dack
as they slogged up to Borleias with blaster and pack.
But he did for them all with his plan of attack.
―Gavin Darklighter, The Planetary Assault of the Light Brigade

The Planetary Assault of the Light Brigade was an epic poem composed by starfighter pilot and future Admiral Gavin Darklighter. Regarded by sentients all over the galaxy as the definitive work of the second part of the Galactic Civil War, its flowing prose and powerful context inspired all sorts of emotions, from tears of gratitude to screams of fury at how the Galactic Empire got its arse handed to it.

The poemEdit

Stanza 1Edit

The first stanza of the poem describes the disastrous first battle of Borleias, and how General Laryn Kre'fey nearly got the entire lot of Rouge Squadron killed in a not-so-glorious manner.

Stanza 2Edit

Following the second battle, a devastating victory for the New Republic, the next stanza follows the infiltration and liberation of Coruscant, and the author's chance meeting with his future sex toy love interest.

Stanza 3Edit

The devastating Krytos virus is chronicled here; the author details his encounter with the disease's more horrific exact purpose side effects, and how his "friend" (with whom he is now having relations) helps him to deal with it. Also, a few Imperials are deep-fried.

The rest of the poemEdit

The rest of the poem, which goes on for some twelve additional stanzas, continues the adventures of Rouge Squadron, including Wedge Antilles numerous, brief returns as unit commanding officer, up to and including the final surrender of the Imperial Remnant. Sadly, Gavin doesn't get to keep his furry.


Immediately after the release of The Planetary Assault of the Light Brigade, the New Republic bestowed the Literary Medal of Horseshit upon Gavin Darklighter. A great honor, this award prompted the pilot to reenlist for another thirty years of service. The epic, however, was not without its detractors; citizens of the Imperial Remnant considered it little more than state-sponsored propaganda. But then, those grunts would say the same thing if the New Republic offered them a full apology and Coruscant back, so screw them!


See alsoEdit

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