- "Hi Trixie! How are you! I love you! You rock!"
- ―Timmy Turner, while stalking Trixie Tang.
Timmy Turner was a perverted beaver who often stalked the love of his/her life, Trixie Tang. He/she attended the same military academy as Carth Onasi and Wedge Antilles, and joined Perverted Beavers Incorporated as a young child, but left because the pay sucked like shit. Timmy's parents are often called "Mom and Dad" because they are ashamed of their boy-girl child and don't want people knowing their names. At some point, Timmy asked Cosmo, his/her fairy godparent, for immortality, which he was given. Timmy once journeyed to Tatooine, where he disguised himself as a Blue Jawa and was almost turned into blue milk. Timmy is known for his/her nasally voice and buck teeth.
Fight With Dark LaserEdit
Timmy had trouble with Dark Laser, who was a crack-addict Sith that wouldn't accept "Darth" in his name and hung out with a stupid dog toy named Flipsy. Timmy found lightsabers with little stars on them and fought Laser, actually giving him one. Timmy and Laser fought until Laser cut off Timmy's hand (Timmy ended up getting a new one from an alley, but anyway), and Timmy escaped. After Timmy's experience with Laser, he/she decided that he/she wanted to become a Sith.
Trying to Become a SithEdit
Timmy attempted to become a sith, going to auditions held in a gym. Instead of using the force, Timmy sang Shut Up and Let Me Go while stripping. In the end, the only Sith who enjoyed him/her was Darth Darth Binks. When Timmy didn't become a Sith, he/she cried in his/her room for days.
Annoying Wanda to Death (literally)Edit
- Timmy: "Wanda—"
- Wanda: "WHAT, FAG?!"
- — Wanda and Timmy, having one of their many "issues".
Wanda and Timmy often had many fights over how much Timmy made wishes. It went on and on until, fed up with Chew-bacca's whining (due to him/her not becoming a Sith), Wanda committed suicide with her wand, which she appeared to have been sharpening. Cosmo, depressed, began using cocaine, ruining his life and giving Timmy no one to bitch at.
Darth Ruptus Interrupts Edit
Yo, Timmy, I'm really happy for you, Ima let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time! The best videos of all time!
2nd Fight With Dark LaserEdit
- "I will destroy your planet, whiny little ho!"
- ―Dark Laser, threatening Turner.
Timmy, upset about Wanda's death and Cosmo's drug addiction, had an affair with Dark Laser's wife, who'd ran off from Laser. Laser found out and then threatened to destroy Earth. Timmy then pushed Laser off of his ship, killing the freak instantly.
Directing Sesame StreetEdit
Timmy needed work, and ended up directing Sesame Street for awhile under the name Bob Shithead. He/she came up with many episodes, like the one where Cookie Monster raped his mom. However, the ratings eventually went down, and Timmy was fired.
- "I'm not using coke, motherfrakkers!"
- ―Timmy to the media.
In a slump, Timmy began using cocaine to see what it was like. He/she enjoyed it very much, and he/she got addicted within days. When Timmy told his/her parents, his/her mom said "I don't give a shit, go ahead and die." For months, Timmy used, and used, and used. He/she slowly began to get depressed, and tried to stop using the drug, but it was too addicting.
- "No! Don't kill me! I never got to make love with Trixie!"
- ―Timmy Turner at death.
Timmy ripped Darth Elmo off during a drug buy, taking his money and running. Darth Elmo relentlessly looked for Timmy, and after weeks of searching, Darth Elmo killed Timmy in cold blood. From this day on, Timmy's ghost haunts Trixie's shower.