Yoda
From Darthipedia, the Star Wars Humor Wiki, currently editing over 582,970,082 articles
| |
| Yoda | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld | |
| Born |
A very long time ago on 896 BBY |
| Died |
He's too cool to die |
| Physical description | |
| Species | |
| Gender | |
| Height |
0.66 meters |
| Hair color |
Dark brown, changed to white when he got old |
| Eye color |
We don't know, 'cause you're never supposed to look a Frog in the eye |
| Cybernetics |
You idiots, he had none |
| Personal shit | |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Era(s) |
Every era, 'cause he's old |
| Affiliation | |
| Known masters |
He didn't need any |
| Known apprentices |
Everyone except the Skywalker boys |
- "I'm Yoda! I'm a soulja. I'll mold ya and fold ya. I thought I told ya! Don't be unwise, judge me not by my size. You won't believe your eyes, watch the X-wing rise, while I look at your demise!"
- ―Yoda
Yoda was a frog who was born a very long time ago, he was about 0.66 meters high and was born on an unknown planet of which he never spoke...we think. (Three quarters of the time, nobody could understand Yoda due to poor sentence structure)There is a controversy about him being part pickle.
- "Small may be meh brain,but large are meh weapons!!!!!!!!duhh*drools*....."
- ―Yoda, proving that he should have all his sweets stolen and be imprisoned in the 'Absolute Nutcase' area in the Insane Asylum with Darth Vader!!!!!
Contents |
[Edit] Early life
- "When rapping, in proper grammar Yoda speaks, mmmmm!"
- ―Yoda, explaining his gangsta inconsistencies
He was forced to leave his homeworld when he was 30 years old because a war was about to destroy the planet. He did not want to leave his sweetheart, Yaddle, a beautiful young Frog, behind. So he kidnapped her and together they left to planet to fulfill their dreams. Yoda had always wanted to be Kermit's stunt double ,until someone got him drunk one night and convinced him that he wanted to be a Jedi Knight. Although Yaddle had second thoughts, she did not want him to make the dangerous journey to the Republic alone.
[Edit] Fall to the Dark Side
- "Speak not to me in that manner, for TFSU you should."
- ―An enraged Yoda, towards Yaddle
Yoda became a promising Jedi, but, one day he saw Yaddle with a Toad. This was when his Fall to the Dark Side began, he wanted revenge, he was determined to destroy the evil Toad that threatened take his sweetheart away from him.
[Edit] Later life
- "Bend over, show me your dark side you will!!"
- ―Yoda, at home having some "Happy Time"
After this little "incident", life went on. Yoda lived on as the chairman of the Jedi council and was often ignored by the younger members, due to his short stature and his insistence on completely butchering Basic. During the fall of the Jedi, Yoda battled our supreme Lord Palpatine The Great, but was defeated by his old age and his overactive bladder.
Yoda eventually ended up on the planet of Dagobah which was basically a swamp ball filled with giant insects, killer birds, and a computer with unlimited access to the holonet. After he landed there (thinking he had died and gone to Frog heaven), Yoda built a hut and basically did nothing except smoke weed and spice for 20 years. Finally to Yoda's surprise, a young wanna-be Jedi named Luke showed up. Yoda being his typical self began playing with his shit and playing with his flashlights and eating Luke's horrible food.
- "I'm searching for an all Powerful Jedi an.... HEY! keep your hands off my Porn"
- ―Luke and Yoda
With that Yoda told Luke that he was the all powerful Jedi and required a price for his training.
[Edit] Behind the scenes
- "The Force is in everything. It surrounds us. Binds us together. It's in the rock. Your car. Your boner on the subway. It's in that nice hoochie's ass in the tight leather pants. The kind you just wanna smack and go, 'Piyow, bitch!'"
- ―Yoda explaining the Force in a line provided by Larry King, himself
Yoda was portrayed in the Star Wars films by Pat Morita.
